Sunday, June 10, 2007

Triggering points

I am not sure how I would have survived without my journals. I started journaling to save my life, my sanity at the age of 7. In my assortment of Hello Kitty, Barbie, and Holly Hobby notebooks, I scribbled endless details about my imaginary love life with stars such as Olivia Newton John, Matt Dillon, and Peter Chris ( drummer for Kiss). These same pages held all the vehement words that I was not allowed to speak to my older brother, parents, and teachers. To keep my thoughts private, I would bind my notebooks with five different colored rubber bands and arrange them just so. If the color arrangement was not as I left it after my last entry, it was clear that someone had violated my privacy and heart. This seemed safer than using a stupid little lock that anyone could pry open.

So this blog is named rubberband free because I will be sharing snippets of my reflections and private life with a small but important audience.

This morning I realized the importance of photographs and recorded memories. This seems to be the weekend of loss... my close friend took off to Africa for an indefinite amount of time, my friend Shelly is slowly losing her beautiful dog to old age, and another friend discovered some painful truths that ended a relationship with finality. My parents are obsessed with taking photographs of every moment as if they will be forgotten if not recorded. This would annoy me because I felt that it took away from experiencing the moment itself. But as Shelly shared pictures of her dog throught her 13 some years with her, I realized that these pictures were triggers of many memories that might have been lost without them.

As I biked pass my old hang out spots with my friend Brittany, I started fully accepting how much I will miss her. I have so many wonderful memories with her, but it is the little aspects that will be missed the most like having tea with her at Bookends Cafe, her notes to me at work, after dinner drinks at the Upstairs Kitchen. I am so excited for her journey and know that I will continue to be a part of her life. But I wish I had more pictures to record all those times with her that I had taken for granted as something that would always be there.


1 comment:

GSH said...

SY, the way you remember your friend -- including the joy and love you imbue your blog entries with -- will only make the friendship stronger, sweeter. Thank you for sharing this, dear.
Much love,
G